Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Letting KP go was really hard for me. Anyone who rescues knows in your head that you can't save them all. But sometimes your heart doesn't care. And we see death a lot, more than we want, but it never gets any easier.
KP was brought in as a stray to the shelter, and subsequently turned over to the e-vet. Whether or not she really was a stray, or turned in by her family who couldn't afford her care, or didn't care that she was obviously sick, we'll never know. All I do know, is that a dear friend of mine and fellow rescuer had inspired me to take in a hospice kitty - an older, sick cat that just needed some love at the end of his life. The vet had tagged KP at about 19, and suffering from renal and/or thyroid failure and had her slated for euthanasia. She seemed like the perfect candidate for hospice care.
After pulling her, she was immediately deposited at our vet for a combo test (FeLV and FIV) and blood panel. This was to ensure that she didn't have anything contagious she could pass on to my residents or other fosters. This is where the vet determined that she wasn't as old as originally thought, and that she had a thyroid problem. Her levels were the highest our vet had ever seen, but we immediately started her on meds and she seemed to improve. She gained weight, cleaned up real well, and was a delight of a cat. She purred constantly, and was also quite a chatterbug.
The problem with thyroid cats, is that their hearts have to work so hard to keep up with their racing metabolism, and the strain proved to be more than KP's heart could stand. She began retaining water, and the thyroid meds weren't working as well. Then she began dropping weight again.
Finally when she could hardly eat the vet told me it was time. While my head knew that I had done all I could for KP, and made her comfortable and showed her love, my heart still broke for her, not getting to have her own forever home before going to the rainbow bridge. My friend however pointed out that indeed, KP did get her own forever home - mine.
God bless you sweet baby, may you run and play and eat all you want at the Rainbow Bridge
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